Just a follow-up to our discussion on parenting, which I really liked; needless to say, it’s a subject that I’m consumed with at the moment. I wanted to send along a link to a blog post I wrote on authoritarianism in parenting, and a link to the book I was telling you all about, Parent Effectiveness Training by Dr. Thomas Gordan. I send this to you because I know you, like me, crave new ideas, and desire to learn from thoughtful people who are humbly and quietly speaking truth.

If you can’t tell, authoritarianism is a subject that has left me marked, and therefore, one I feel strongly about. I’m convinced that, as Dr. Gordan says, “parents over the years have continued to use power because they have had very little, if any, experience in their own lives with people who use non-power methods of influence.” I mean, if the threat of punitive punishment is always in your back pocket as a last resort, is any other parenting method actually going to be effective?

Again, I send this along because I want to share something that has brought me true enlightenment. Of course, we (my wife and I) lack parental life experience (which, keep in mind, could also be advantageous in many ways), and I realize books, systems and methods only get you so far, but again I, like Dr. Gordan, feel that our values are ideals or beliefs which shape our behavior and, therefore feel that, our values end up motivating our behaviors. I can already see that my wife and I have many different views on how to raise children, but one thing is for certain: we both agree we will not play the “parent” role, i.e. we won’t assume the false identity of the transcendent god-like, militaristic parent, but will do our best to remain real, relational people. It is this after all–a series of relationships–that one could say, life is all about.

…

Painting above: Dortmund, Petrikirche, altar, painted panels, #9, detail

Tags:Anti-AuthoritariansismP-E-T-parentingprocess philosophyrelationalThomas Gordan